I hav. Been going to sleep rather early feeling very tired And then I tend to wake up early. I’m still on something of a London time but going back home the jet lag has me operating in regular hours so I’m not too concerned.
It is Christmas Eve and I woke before dawn the anticipation of tonight’s party for my family and tomorrow’s family gathering that scream tradition without seeing if that is a precocial responce.
I read an article yesterday about how coming home to the fully dynamic one grew up with can often trigger a regression of sorts. Being emotionally put back to the day things were for you as a teen. I can feel the regression in myself and I just want to move along. I have a job lined up some ways away and am eager for that to begin.
Cheers to my friend and neighbor growing up Ewa(happy bday) and her daughter Della, seeing you twice a year is so little when you think about how we used to play together every day
normally I am a very committed person when i say I will do something I really try to follow through because I value my word. This poem is ironic because I wrote it in April when I was sad, fixed it up tonight and am experiencing a mini breakdown. I will not be staying in Rhode Island for as long as expected, returning home twelve days early but no worries returning to school in the fall. It turns out that I do miss my family and job and NJ. So 8 days till home my count down is real.
I am a follow through type of person
When I commit I am there for the long haul
I expect the same from everyone else
And for that I am constantly disappointed by people.
I use to believe everyone was wonderful but now I am a cynic
Part of a species that has done more harm than good
Almost no exceptions
I include myself and my loved ones.
Image a world only Gandhi’s
Very few very selective,
Peace would concord all
And human impact would be minimal.
I will never get to see that world
But for now I can work towards a smaller impact
Because that is my commitment to myself.
By the way I started insanity work out this week and after 4 days of sticking with it I really do hope to get through all 60. selfies will be posted at some point. Thanks for reading
In less than an hour I will be on the road to New Jersey my home state. It’s weird I am feeling very mixed about going home I need to do this; get away from campus and the URI people for a few days but going “home” is something that is less exciting every minute. I like my family but they cause me a great deal of stress and I have to do so much work over the break so I can (hopefully) pass my chem class and also write the term paper that is due when I get back from turkey day.
As a vegetarian I will say nothing more on the note of animals in this post.
Today I went to the gym for body pump (Squats with weights) my regular Tuesday work out but I looked in the mirror and felt thin. I know that nothing has changed but it felt really good. I am very confident about my body but I do not think of myself as thin (I know I am but I don’t think I am) I blame the media but that does not matter it is what it is I love the way I looked today all sweaty and gross in green spandex and baggy shorts with a purple URI Tshirt. My hair haphazardly tossed into a low ponytail with so many fly aways that would float around as I went through the motions of squatting.
I guess what I want to get across is that you are beautiful no matter what shape or size and once you see that everyone else will too. I had thought that being okay with what I looked like (enough to go out in a bikini or wear a crop top) was enough but I didn’t think I was as good looking as I now think I am. This feeling will most likely be gone when I get back to school because the holiday I am going home for is all about family and food so good bye body image and hello new gym. Even if I never feel this good again I am glad to have felt it once and it should happen again some times, I will always have this post to look at.
Safe travels to all and good luck with the traffic.