I hav. Been going to sleep rather early feeling very tired And then I tend to wake up early. I’m still on something of a London time but going back home the jet lag has me operating in regular hours so I’m not too concerned.
It is Christmas Eve and I woke before dawn the anticipation of tonight’s party for my family and tomorrow’s family gathering that scream tradition without seeing if that is a precocial responce.
I read an article yesterday about how coming home to the fully dynamic one grew up with can often trigger a regression of sorts. Being emotionally put back to the day things were for you as a teen. I can feel the regression in myself and I just want to move along. I have a job lined up some ways away and am eager for that to begin.
Cheers to my friend and neighbor growing up Ewa(happy bday) and her daughter Della, seeing you twice a year is so little when you think about how we used to play together every day
Nanowrimo a but above target. Tonight I made cupcakes with Charleen.
A game of cupcake roulette.
A simple game where half the cupcakes have good fillings like chocolate or honey or penut butter.
And the other half are gross. Things like spinich tomato paste and soy Sause.
Everyone takes turns eating a cupcake someone else chose for them and it’s a draw what you have to eat.
This time I recieved garlic, lemon zest and tomato paste.
I had authentic loose leaf tea.
Placed 2nd in Netflix themed pub quiz with these lovely friends
Made a map.I oddly missed GIS what an amazing program
And sometimes class is fun. I got to use a steak in class (slayed a vampire) and surveyed a field
Face masks, I swear I had friends do them too but this was the only picture I had from girls night. Wine Cheese and mud masks.
Threw a home made pickle party with andrew
talked to strangers on the bus
Saw a new side of the castle
Lost a quidditch tournament
Saw a play called the Broons based on the Scottish comic strip
Hiked around the city
I went on a very long walk all around the campus with Nick and Anna.
We found this abandoned building and it was really fun to explore but disapointing in the way of nothing was really there.
The walk selfie with new besties
The next day Megan and I went into town trying to go on a pre planned program trip but never found the bus so we went to dinner off Princes street.
I had a lovely glass of whine
And amazing italian mushroom pizza wiht so many cheeses
Telephone booth was inevitable for me to take chliche pic in
Got ready for the first Quidditch practice waited for the bus
It was empty for the first few stops.
Funniest thing I made it to practice perfectly and ran into Sarah a girl who plays Quidditch back home for Brown (the other Rhode Island team) The world is seriously so small but it was nice to kind of know someone.
My friend group went into town for the Galic football game televised at many sports bars, walking over we saw this festival for the paralimpics and had fun playing games and being together.
Played a close game
Watched the game in this bar, sadly it was a tie 15 to 15 in the final game meaning they will have a full rematch in a few weeks. Most sports would go to overtime but not this one so
This week a very close friend lost a family member and I found myself in need to express my emotions in writing.
I am sharing a poem.
Black and white
Black and White;
The abundance of all color and the lack of any color
The beginnings and the ends.
When a couple gets married a brides dress is white
The lack of color.
The blank slate for the couple embarking into the next phase of life.
When a family is grieving they dress in black,
The funeral is filled with dark colors
The black summing up all else.
The loss of a family member,
Taking the dynamic and pulling out the carpet
Everything that had been before now shifted at the least
And fully knocked over or broken for others
Community brought together for the best of times and the worst of times
The conditions so different
The people so similar
Cheers to fresh starts
And grievances to starting over.
I totally forgot about this week so here is something I pulled off my phone
I used to rank friends in a binary system.
1 were people I could see being invited to my wedding
(in the distant future.)
And 0 were the ones who would not.
But the older I get the smaller I imagine my milestone get togethers.
I now find ranking friends on a dart board style system works better.
Each time I reevaluate the darts can land in a new place
and there are so few places for people in the center most rings.
I hate being this sad but I have to embrace it for a while.
I go home for spring break sat. AM
have a good week
I have hit a ruff patch at work got in some trouble fora big mess up on my part but was forgiven I had two days off this week because i was sent home sick after half an hour of being useless at work from the nausea. I wanted to use one of my days off to see my previous roommate Tara who had me wait all day and then decided that there was not enough time to see me she had other better things to do. I was so mad I can not waste my free time like that ever again. The way I told her this made her think I would not forgive but that is not it, I will forgive you a million times over and get hurt more than half of those time but that is the person I am. I am working very hard to become a forgive but never forget kind of person, to hold grudges that will keep me from making the same mistakes. Kyle my ex has told me to never speek to him again a few times and pretty much every time I think it would be acceptable to text him I end up very upset over our interactions so for now and maybe forever more the best course of action is leaving him alone. There is a new front bottoms song that has gotten me through this week. here is the link to Cough it out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_n-8iPfI-o4 The first line is so true and as you get further in it remains true. I live my life by the line “I don’t care if your not sorry I forgive you, And with or with out your support I will continue, What I’m trying to say is you ever know what you’ve been through.” And the bridge “what ever I did for you last year I cannot do again, it’s getting harder and harder and harder and harder and harder for me to call you my friend, no matter how many times I say I wont I defend you if I can, but what ever i did for you last year I cannot do again.” I can think of a hand full of people that I truly thought were my friends but they have not been very good friends to me at least not the way I want them to be and this song has me thinking. I started college with a fresh slate and now half way through want to start over again . it would be hard to ditch Courtney Cap and Ryan but to loose the three best people I met at URI in order to meet so many more sounds quite nice. I will not be transferring but I have half hardheartedly toyed with the concept. Recently I have not felt interesting or all that valuable so I asked my friends on snapchat why am I not happy and the answers were far more profound than I had expected. Happiness is a state of mind. The better question is what is making you unhappy. Have you tried music or reading. And the one thing I was able to do was gt a book by recommendation of the wonderful freshman year roommate Courtney suggested. Well Courtney actually recommended a movie but I don’t really have internet so I got it in book form. Hector and the search for happiness.I have not felt much better from reading it but it is a cute book and I am very greatful to be reading something both new and interesting for fun. (My GIS textbook is very dry but i’m about 1/4 the way through it. I still need to buy a few more books for school and put in my Study Abroad application fee.) In fully unrelated news, I have purchased hair extentions and fake glasses what do you think?
I know I should have done this post last week but better late than never I guess. So I went to bookcon and had a frat day. I got to see one of my best friends cap.
Together we were able to have really good seats like second row for Felicia day.
I saw mindy kaling alone and had really bad seats but it was still fun to hear her talk about her life. That panel came with a free excerp of her second book which I read on the train ride home and loved so much I want the book.
I was able to hear the author of phantom tollbooth. One of my all time favorite books
What was even better about Norbert (phantom tollbooth author) was that I went up to the stage and was able to thank him for writing the book and tell him how much it shaped my life. He took my fan girling very well.
I saw Julia and realized how I really want to be a better friend to her. We got to do a free photo booth.
I saw aziz ansari who is a funny guy.
And then when we left the javis center (cap and I) had amazing ny pizza
I got free tote bags and a few books that I hope to read but if it’s anything like last year none will get read but a tote bag will be used to death.
I think that is about it for my bookcon trip. I have since been working my summer job every day and stuck to insanity this dad. My first day off (today) will be spent at six flags. I just wanted to get this post in so I don’t have I worry about the possibility of forgetting. I have been reading Collin and jade I’m about 20% through and so far it’s not terrable but it is time coinsuming. That’s all for now If you are my friend and you read this please tell me however you can I miss so many people and am not doing as well as I should to stay in touch but that is in part because I don’t have a reason to reach out so this is your opertunity friends remind me of why we are friends. (Mdog you are excused if you want to not partake. I got you girl)