It’s my hell week and far worse than finals. I have not been sleeping much and when I do give in and close my eyes I’m not getting good sleep. I have had an Exam every day this week and papers and presentations, clubs activities and work. I need a person health day. I cry a few times a day and am getting really sick because of the things mentioned earlier.
I’m gong to tell you two stories from yesterday which I thought were amusing. (And I don’t want to let myself forget.)
- I have a field lab for herpetology and yesterday we went out looking for snakes. I caught a black racer with the help of four classmates who were all cornering it. But I was the one who grabbed him. I did the actual catching.
The snake bit me but I sure looked happy to have him. And there were so many goo jokes about how I like the kinky stuff.
- I went to the movie theater to see season one of rwby (a rooster teeth anime show) and I messed up. My frieds all showers their emails and were given tickets but my name wasn’t on the list.
A manager was called over. Looked at my ticket and sai tires for rocklin California not providence Rhode Island. So I had to buy another ticket.
Luckily my friends made fun of me but I had a good humor about it and laughed along at my mistake. I emailed Rocklin and they issued me a refund. So it all worked out it was just a funny mix up where I was the butt of the jokes.
Good luck on finals. I know I need it ⭐️🐍📹
I have a rule for myself. I have many but the one at hand right now is I will not go to sleep unhappy. I can be neutral or above but I won’t fall asleep in tears. The sleep when you’re miserable is not all that good anyway.
Last night was a doozie. I worked late then got through some work, I knew all week that it would be a 1am or later night. Around lights out I get a message asking to accept a call from a friend back home so I accept it. The call lasts for more than an hour and ends with me very grumpy and upset. Not much got done and I’m pushing close to the point of sleep or sunrise.
I write a long list of hour by hour must do activities for the morning. To many important things for an all nighter.
So I binge watch brain barely on yes solidly open. Thank you netfilx for the new season of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt but why does it take you a year to put a new season up (one weekend to watch one year to make more).
I haven’t given pictures in a while but these are pretty cute. Top is my at umass Lowell this weekend goofing around. And the bottom is a pineapple bird I stole from work. Currently it is living in my roommate’s fridge.
So this morning I texted k as a response and was chewed out for it. In my mind it’s not a bad response but to some it really is. So in the way I like to rant about reclaiming words (vagina monologues flash backs) I’m writing about reclaiming k.
K is for kisses shared between love red
And k as in keep: me near. Keep: my secrete. Keep: in touch.
Kind to self, to others and he way I would clèchely describe a good heart.
For kinky bold choices in the bedroom. On a king sized mattress or twin or not on a bed at all .
Knowing you are right or knowing it is right to admit you were wrong.
Keys to unlock doors and unlock success. To eliminate the barrier between protected and available resources.
Knock out gorgeous k.
So while writing this I learned that way more words start with c than k and I realize I need to know that I am not correct and learn from my mistakes. The way that I have been desensitized the the c word from doing vagina monologues doesn’t make it okay for me to go around using it when the rest of my peers find it offensive.
Something good tonight made me forget about you and I.
Last night I honestly could not focus anymore. I had been avoiding my work load and my social life a bit too. So I started to crumble the way an old building will without maitanace.
I wanted and needed different things so mentally my compromise was to seek comfort however I could get it.
Post binge watching scripted reality tv feeling more lost and less fulfilled I made a call. To a guy who I knew would answer. On the second ring I heard a gruff hey!
I nearly started crying I just wanted to hear him talk. To wish he were near enough to hug and kiss. To tuck me in and wipe away my inevitable tears.
The distance of about twenty miles seperated our bodies but our voices were in the same conversation. I found comfort in his whispers and imagined him behind me in the silence. As if standing in the other room or right behind me. Out of sight but not out of mind.
I love him for the good things and forgive him for the rest. I have so little in my daily life that I see as good because I overlook the little things. The moments in the phone feeling connected, or when a stranger sees your bad ass par core, or when you know the answer to a question. The little things are something but they may need to be my everything.