With this week being gay pride in NYC many colleges are celebrating. URI had a guest speaker tonight on the topic of being gay in the middle east. This is super relevant to my life of late because a friend from high school past away last week. 8 days ago Sam was alive and 6 days ago they were not.
We have not spoken in a few years the time between me matriculation high school and me graduating it. But on Saturday night while huddle with a unlit candle and 10% of my graduating class I was moved to speak about a time I shared with Sam.
My memory of being oblivious to the social pressures of public school, the way I was not lost because I was not going to any real destination yet. And the way Sam had a plan and the confidence to back it up.
We were in a film class together but I say that loosely, I was in a film class and Sam decided to audit one day and then all the following days that semester. We put together an outlandish short film that would later be shown at a local viewing for student short films.
Sam welcomed all and everyone had so much love for sam. Everyone there all sixty or so of us unified by so little but in that moment held together so strongly in support.
I am leaving a link to the foundation in Sam’s honor, Pleas take a look it is worth the time and money if you feel the desire to donate to a good cause.
You look like you’re in high school says a women who knows I’m on her pay roll. I am 20, in four months I will be of legal drinking age and in nine months I will have finished college with a bachelors in science.
I do not feel like I look like a child.
I walk with confidence, I work year round while being committed to school, Greek life and family obligations.
Three years out of high school and this stranger makes me feel the need to grow and age and make it clear that I am beyond that.
Before seeing my resume. Before getting to know me. One glance and I’ve almost completely been overlooked. My third summer working full time for the same amazing people who all used to know me.
I have youth in my face that means in two years I will still be carded everywhere I go by people who see me as a youngin.
I totally forgot about this week so here is something I pulled off my phone
I used to rank friends in a binary system.
1 were people I could see being invited to my wedding
(in the distant future.)
And 0 were the ones who would not.
But the older I get the smaller I imagine my milestone get togethers.
I now find ranking friends on a dart board style system works better.
Each time I reevaluate the darts can land in a new place
and there are so few places for people in the center most rings.
I hate being this sad but I have to embrace it for a while.
I go home for spring break sat. AM
have a good week
I have not been as active as I want to be on the site. I got the flu which really took a toll on me I was stuck in bed for four days and missed two full days of classes. I am struggling in school playing catch up and trying to avoid a break down.
I was an adult earlier this week and called my dentist. Spring break will have a teeth cleaning and may be the removal of some wisdom teeth. I hope not though. I want to keep my wisdom teet for never have I ever purposes.
I have sent loads of texts and emails trying to figure out my life. Where will I work this summer? Can I still pass all my classes? When are your office hours? The usual stuff
Things I worry about every day in my major. I read studies, watch documentuaries and talk to peers about the sick sad sham of a planet that we live on. I’m starting to care less and less. The theory that this may just be a simular like the matrix is a thought that helps me get through my days.
How metta would it be if a movie like the matrix was a near accurate example of reality. It would make reality tv something of a documentary. A historical snapshot of life in the sim. A strange way to thing but a convient way to avoid all the problems that are present.
I just want to quickly sum up the horror of this week
I have been sick from Friday night till now.
It has been everything from chills to hallucination in my bed with a temperature of 102 F.
I have taken hot showers and cold showers trying to feel normal again.
Carried a blanket and worn pj’s to the dining hall
I have slept more than 12 hours a day and still am not better.
It has been a ruff week leading up to a weekend of playing ketchup.